Passion
by SaturnineSunshine
Summary: It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we'd be truly dead" Chair's battle with passion. Speech from BtVS


A/N: So I used to be really obsessed with Buffy, and this is the result of that. There are a lot of speeches on that show that just remind me of Chair so I might be writing a lot that is reference to Buffy. This is the first. If its not received well, then I won't send the others that I've already written. Anyway, the italics are just a speech about passion that Angel made in the second season when he was evil. I just thought it really connected with Chuck and Blair and I'm sure that's not wishful thinking.

Summary:

"I'm sorry, too," she whispered in his ear. He turned in her arms, leaning his forehead against hers, clenching her shoulders tightly.

"Without you, I'm empty."

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or Buffy.

* * *

_Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping. Waiting. And though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl._ _It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? __Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. __It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we'd be truly dead._

_-Angel_

_--Passion  
_

* * *

_Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting... And though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws, and howl_

Blair's eyes snapped open. The warmth from her dream instantly vanished as she sat up in her dorm room. Alone. Again.

It didn't seem so long ago that the familiar warmth that was fading at that moment, chose to stay in the form of the one person she couldn't live without. That blissful period of time seemed so distant now, and lasted for so little a time.

Blair ran a hand through her ragged curls. Dreams were not her friend. Every night it was the same. She knew that she hadn't made a mistake. She couldn't have. but the sweat between her shoulder blades proved different. Her accelerated heart rate and chills up her arms told her something else.

She didn't want this. She didn't want to be so completely enamored with someone that she couldn't sleep without them. Constant thoughts of him during the day was bad enough. Now he plagued her constantly in the dream world.

Blair stumbled to the bathroom, flicking on the light. She splashed water on her face, horrified at her gruesome reflection. Even he was changing her appearance. He always had control over every little thing in her. It was infuriating.

Her phone began to vibrate on her bedside table when she returned. It was 3 in the morning. She didn't need to look at the caller ID to know who it was. She didn't have to answer the phone to know that he was drunk.

Something in her stomach stirred, and all she could do was pick it up. But she couldn't. It didn't matter. He would still find her. In the dead of night he would haunt her. She didn't want to be taken by this all consuming thing.

It was a little late for that. If she wanted that, she shouldn't have let him give her a lift home. So many years ago, and yet it seemed like yesterday that her entire world was turned on its head.

So she didn't answer the phone.

She was right.

He found her. And he would keep finding her.

His husky drawl surrounded her, accommodated by his signature scent of scotch.

_Blair_.

* * *

_It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?_

Chuck knew she wasn't going to pick up. She said she was done. Like so many times before. It was just like that with them. They always said they were "over for good" or "it's just a game." It was too much to admit the reality. They would never be able to stay away from each other, no matter the mistakes they made. No matter how much they hurt each other. They just kept coming back for more.

The night whispered to him. He knew that she was awarethat he was drunk. Again. As he had been since the time she left. Again. He was an expert at this by now. He knew only to drink so much that he would only have a minor hangover in time for work the next day. But the weekends were a different matter. He drank and drank until he literally couldn't see anymore. Couldn't breathe.

He didn't know why he did the things that he did. he should have known that this was just the way she reacted. But he couldn't change what he was. And neither could she. She would drive him crazy and all it did was make him want her more. And he knew that she just loved everything about him, even when it tore her apart.

That's why his limo would be parked outside her building. That's why she would follow him to dark corners at parties as if to torture him. Because when they were alone, there was nothing they could do but be together. It was too hard not to. She became something when she was with him. Something that no one else ever saw or ever would.

He wanted to stop. He really did. But there was nothing he could do about it. He wished he could go back to how things were. He wished he could be unfeeling and sleep with every available woman in sight. Instead, because of her, he was constantly plagued with things he wanted no part of.

Guilt, jealousy, irrationality.

Love.

It tore him apart.

He couldn't keep from coming back for more.

She rolled her head away from him as Chuck trapped her against the wall of a dark, deserted room with his arm. She refused to meet his gaze. He refused to let her go. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't stop. She warned him away with her angelically angry voice.

_Chuck_.

* * *

_Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief._

Blair's breath caught in her throat.

_Dangerous_.

That was the adjective that everyone used to describe Chuck Bass. She never really understood that before. They just didn't know him. They didn't know him like she did.

But she could feel it. She could feel the high of being in a situation that she didn't want to be in. The same high that she was in every time they were in a room alone together. And he cornered her.

Chuck buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. And she felt at home. She shouldn't. It was completely wrong. She was glad it was dark so that he couldn't see her expression. But he could feel her heat. That heat of passion.

"Get off."

That just made him tighten his grip. He was always like that. Trying to prove something when he never had to prove anything to her.

"I can't."

Now she was angry. She didn't need him. So she shoved him.

"Get out," she commanded quietly. There was that bitter smirk.

"My house, lover."

"Not anymore."

She was referring to the title he always called her, not the status of where he lived. He neared her again, never admitting defeat.

He caressed her curls. She could still smell the alcohol.

"You're drunk, Chuck."

_Chuck_.

"How else could I stand you looking at me like that?"

"Looking at you like what?" she asked hesitantly. All she felt was the intense need to be with him. "I hate you."

"Like that."

"Do you think I want this?" she ground out angrily. It didn't matter. He could see the tears. Sense them. Feel them. Taste them.

"Do you think I like having my heart ripped from my chest?" she cried.

"I'm sorry," he said roughly. "For all of it, Blair."

_Blair_.

* * *

_It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we'd be truly dead._

Chuck glared at the shattered glass that he threw against the wall no more than an hour ago. In passion. Anger. Frustration. Loss. It was hard to believe that he could ever truly lose her when they kept finding each other. But in his darkest moments, he couldn't help but feel that way.

Chuck let his head fall into his hands as he sat on the edge of the bed. How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss. When all of this started, she just kissed him and that was it.

Now, he was just trying not to let the dry sobs wrack his body. He tried to make the pain bearable. He tried not to break down. But that wasn't what he felt. He felt like he was dying. So much that he didn't hear his bedroom door open.

Blair walked quietly though the dark room. The room had its curtains drawn so the moonlight didn't even show through. But somehow, she still saw the outline of his hunched figure.

Chuck felt the bed shift as her familiar and intoxicating scent surrounded him as she sat next to him. He still didn't move.

Her arms surrounded him. Immediately, his own arms searched for hers and he held her close. It was like this with them. Only in the dark of night when no one could see them would they reveal their true selves to them. Like after his father's funeral.

"I'm sorry, too," she whispered in his ear. He turned in her arms, leaning his forehead against hers, clenching her shoulders tightly.

"Without you, I'm empty."

That was it. That was what they were, for both of them. Without each other, they would be truly dead.

"Chuck?"

"Yes."

"I want to be with you."

Silence.

"I know things are hard now. But I miss you so much it hurts. And I can't be away from you anymore."

Chuck raised his head at Blair's confession. Somehow, he could see the exact shade of her melencholy eyes in the dark.

"So..." she said. "Can we just skip it? I'm tired of all the games and groveling. I just want to be with you. We should be working through the pain but I just can't. So can we just skip it? Let's just... be together."

He answered her silently. Chuck clutched her fiercely to him, letting his passion consume him.

She let him.

She returned with full force.

* * *

**Another note: Once again, the italics all belong to Buffy the Vampire Slayer writers (as genius as they are.) **

**Also, Chuck thinks "how could it end up like this, it was only a kiss" is an obvious reference to The Killers' Mr. Brightside, another amazing song. **

**And finally, where Blair talks about "skipping it" I also sort of stole from Buffy again (sorry) from when Tara wants to get back together with Willow immediately even if Willow was abusing magic. This obviously really doesn't mean anything to those of you who don't watch the show, I just thought I should mention it**.

If you liked it, I would love to know about it.


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